Whilst failing to keep up with the PUMP IT UP work out DVD today, I allowed my mind to wander off to pastures past. I LOVED being a size 10. I NEVER thought I would be when I started weight watchers back in 2003, but when I bought size 10 holiday clothes in May 2004 my dream had come true.
So why is it that I let all that weight creep back on!?
I sometimes look back and am shocked at what I remember, to excuse my "gain" to people who haven't seen me for a while, I always say "Well, that's divorce, finding new love and having a baby for you!" But in truth, I had a very amicable divorce, with no nastiness at all, and when when I was pregnant, I lost 22Ibs in the first 6 months from sickness, so In fact, didn't actually gain a single Ib! In fact - two weeks after labour, I weighed 1.5Ibs less than the morning I did my pregnancy test!!!!
So, whats left? "new love?" - There it is. At the start of my friendship with Ben, I didn't realise that we would end up so close, and I was still "smarting" over my marriage failure. We preferred to chill out at home at his, apposed to going out and "bumping" into people who would ask questions about me, us, life in general... so we watched DVDs - with Doritos, large galaxy bars, chips, Chinese, Indians, ice cream, pasta etc etc etc - everything I had spent 2 years cutting out was suddenly "let back in" with gusto and such force that my body didn't stand a chance.
I waved goodbye with ease for some reason.
I wish I hadn't done that, I wish I could have known that happiness would never be found at the end of a slightly salted Dorito covered in sour cream dip. But back then it seemed comfy and safe, and that's what my soul craved.
So, I am really pleased that the "inner me" has found her voice, and said "look, enough enough"
Its weigh in 2morrow, and I have stayed the same *(if not gained 1/2 a Ib!!)* But, look at last week, I can see why, when you have such a big "loss" your body can sometimes "halt" proceedings and go into a panic mode. I have not been over my points at all this week, in fact I have been under again every day. so I guess I will see some results of this next week?
Next week I will be dusting off my size 7 Salomon's, oiling the ball bearings and roller-blading up the seafront with Finlay in his pram.
I will see size 10-12 again if its the last thing I do!!!
Every now and again I like to "online shop for the thinner me" and today, this is what my warbrobe would contain!




